Ah, the dreaded slow fade. Or maybe I should change that "ah" to "ahhhhh," because this dating phenomenon is so frustrating it might make you want to shriek a bit, drive yourself to a women's convent, and renounce men for good. Some ladies are lucky enough to never experience a guy backing away in such a bit-by-bit manner that it's hard to notice at first. But if you've dealt with this before, you know how it goes: Everything is moving along swimmingly until you realize the guy you're dating isn't calling as much. Or maybe he happens to be busy every time you suggest a date. Or he's stopped sending you pictures of adorable interspecies animal friendships. Whatever the case may be, he's pulling the slow fade. I went straight to the source to find out why.
You can usually judge people by the company they keep. If every last one of his friends gives you a sleazy vibe, trust your gut.
Getty ImagesFirst of all, clearly women can do this too. And I think a slow fade is fine if you've been on one or two dates. But if you're actually starting to see each other more regularly, or have had sex? Not cool.
Now that that's cleared up, let's get to the bottom of it! When I asked one friend about the thinking behind pulling a slow fade instead of straight-up ending things, he said, "Guys are scared to disappoint, slash they want to keep all options on the table." It basically amounts to wanting to have their cake and eat it too. "When a guy does this, he wants the possibility to bounce back even after fade. Clearly saying he's no longer interested rules that out," he said.
Another corroborated this, adding that "guys do this so they don't have to deal with awkward situations or conversations. It stems from either laziness or fear, depending on the guy." He was quick to clarify that he's never done it, because he's always just been honest about what he wants. Yes, it takes balls (or ovaries), but I think it's worth it to avoid hurt feelings and confusion.
