Moving forward also means taking a hard look at your relationship and, instead of blaming your partner, being willing to work on aspects that aren't so great. For some couples, cheating actually brings to the surface issues in the relationship that had been swept under the rug. So it's possible to build a stronger and better relationship after someone has cheated. Yup, I said it.
If, after talking to your partner and being super honest with yourself, you decide to stay together, the next hurdle is telling any friends and family who know about the cheating. (If you didn't tell anyone, great—but you might want to see a therapist to sort out any lingering feelings so they don't set you off later.) This is where shame often kicks in—because we're told that strong people don't put up with cheating, it can be embarrassing to tell loved ones that you're sticking with it. But you know what, find strength in the fact that you're able to trust your own judgment and able to make a decision that is right for you. There is no shame in that.
Your friends and family might be protective of you when you broach the subject—and that's normal. The best thing you can do is be up front: Tell them you've decided to give the relationship another chance and communicate what sort of support you need. Ask them to listen with a nonjudgmental ear and focus on being there for you rather than tearing down your partner. Remember: Their reaction comes from a place of love (they don't want to see you hurt), so address their concerns in a nondefensive way by assuring them you've put a lot of thought into your decision, and now you need them to be there for you.
Relationships are complicated, and the best relationship decisions are ones that account for those complexities. The truly empowered decision to make—in any situation—is not the "should" but the one that actually feels right.
Amber Madison, LMHC, is a Manhattan-based therapist and the author of Are All Guys Assholes? *Find her on Twitter @AmberMadi.
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