Experimenting is great because you get to discover new things and sometimes figure out how magnets work. Except in a relationship not everyone always wants to join the sexual science fair. What do you do when your BF refuses to bring his bunson burner anywhere near your particular lab of delight, as with this reader (attention shy ones; this involves a lot of fifth base talk):
Dear Single John,
I live with my boyfriend of two years. He is caring and funny and thoughtful; he's a great guy. There is just one problem, and it's in the bedroom: I can't come unless I have something in my, ahem, back door—preferably a vibrating toy, but a finger or penis will do—and he's not into butt stuff. I can do it myself obviously, but then it starts to feel mechanical, and I want him to be involved. How do I get him to warm up to the idea?—Butt I Wanna
It's your orgasm and you can have it any way you want—I'm not going to tell you how to get off—but I don't believe that's the ONLY way you can come. I believe it can help you come. I believe it is your favorite way to come. But the ONLY way? No way. Uh uh. Maybe, but I'd be very surprised.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with some, or a lot, of assplay with your beloved. And how cool is it that even though it's not cup of tea, he's still into you doing it while he pleasures you in other ways and you pleasure him.
All that said, I am of the believe that—with rare exceptions; tax evasion for instance—anything new is worth trying twice; and it's usually better the second time. Would it really kill your BF to lube up a finger and play doctor in your no-no zone for a few minutes? No. I'm reminded of people who aren't comfortable holding a baby until you just put it in their arms…there you go, see, not so bad (in this metaphor I guess you'd be asking him to hold the end of your preferred toys while it's inserted—you could always try the classic "Hon, do me a favor—hold this for a sec?" as if you were just handing him your coffee so you could put on your jacket—how hard could that be for him?).
