It's NOT silly. It would be silly if you were mad that he didn't take you out for a five-star meal with champagne or buy you a diamond necklace when that's clearly not in his budget at the moment (or necessary even if it is). But that's obviously not what you're saying. You're saying he didn't put in the tiniest little bit of effort to make you feel special on your birthday. I think most of us would agree that's a pretty standard significant other duty, and he dropped the ball majorly.
There are countless ways he could have shown you a little extra love on your b-day, and plenty of them are free or so low in cost anyone could splurge for them. As you said, he could have made you a handmade card. He could have made you breakfast in bed—eggs and pancakes are both incredibly cheap, and heck, he probably could have even done in with ingredients you already paid for in your pantry. He could have bought you a single rose, no expensive bouquets necessary. He could have written you a little love note for every year of your age. Heck, he could have just sat you down, and said, "I'm sorry I can't afford a big celebration this year, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much and I'm so happy to celebrate another year of your life with you because you're amazing." There, I just came up with five simple things he could have done off the top of my head, and I just found out it was your birthday five seconds ago. Your boyfriend knew about this since the last birthday. Come ON, dude.
If I try to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt (which is hard because I kind of want to smack some sense into him), maybe he was just embarrassed about his lack of funds, rather than just a selfish, insensitive jerk. Even though you don't seem to mind, it could be a blow to his ego that you're paying for most things these days, and maybe he chose to deal with his feelings by avoiding your day altogether. I don't think that makes it OK, but it at least could explain why he acted that way.
You said his remarks about his mom opened up the dialogue, but you didn't say if you two talked about it. Which obviously, I think you need to do. I'd wait until his back from his trip if you haven't talked already, because it's a hard conversation to have over the phone while he's partying with his friends or whatever. When he's back, say you've been thinking things over while he was gone and you're hurt that he didn't make any effort to celebrate your birthday. Try really hard not to make it about money or throw all the things you've paid for back in his face, and just concentrate on the fact that it made you feel like he didn't care. (If you're starting to feel resentful about that, or like he's dragging out his unemployment unnecessarily, that's an entirely different topic for another day.)
Here is where you should expect a sincere apology and some kind of thoughtful makeup effort for a belated celebration, even if it's small. If he does that, I'd say you can move past it and not hold it against him, particularly if he explains that he was feeling down about his money situation (even though he can afford vacations, ugh). But, if he just freaks out and accuses you of being dramatic and demanding, I'd start to really think about whether he's the right boyfriend for you. You deserve someone who thinks your birthday is an occasion worth celebrating!
Good luck...and happy belated birthday from all of us at Smitten!!
Do you agree with my assessment, or do you think the reader's boyfriend didn't do anything all that wrong? How would you handle this situation?
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