Emily Fogle dove into the pool at Purdue six years ago. Swimming was her whole world. But difficult turns lied ahead in the laps of college life.
Emily Fogle dove into the pool at Purdue six years ago. Swimming was her whole world. But difficult turns lied ahead in the laps of college life.
“I've been in the depth of the darkest places possible in my life,” said Fogle in a recent conversation at the Boilermaker Aquatic Center. “I don't think anything else can hurt that much. Swimming is a very tough sport, but nothing's as hard so far as what I've dealt with in my life.”
Emily set Purdue school records in her specialty, the breaststroke. As a freshman, she broke the school record twice in the 200 meter breaststroke. As a sophomore she was honorable mention All-American, qualifying for the U.S. Olympic Trials in the 100 and 200 breaststroke. She lowered her own 100 breast record again in November 2012. Emily was swimming right along until her junior season was interrupted by surgery on her right hip to repair bilateral labral tears in December 2012. During the recovery, anorexia began to take hold of her life.
“It gave me some sort of comfort, some sort of control that I could seek out when I was so distressed and distraught from swimming being taken away from me,” said Fogle. “It just went further and further down the hole and faster and faster the longer I was out of the water."
Emily gained enough strength for surgery on her left hip in March 2013. But two weeks after that procedure, her biggest fan, her mother Susan, died from a heart attack.
“At that point I had anorexia sort of screaming in my head like, 'Follow me further, because I will give you this comfort.' I didn't want to think about the death of my mom. I didn't want to think about me not being in the water at practice or even around the pool. I didn't want to think about anything that I had lost," Fogle said.
Emily dropped 50 pounds. She admits she basically stopped eating altogether, surviving sometimes on pots of black coffee and minimal fruits and vegetables. Emily described her body as bones, a little bit of muscle and a lot of organs that were failing.
“It was a very dark and scary time for my body,” Emily recalled. “My mind was so malnourished that I didn't even understand where I was at that point. It's odd because you want to be normal and have this normal eating pattern and schedule and what not. But you have this second hand voice telling you that not's good. You're not good. You're worthless.”
A former teammate finally convinced her to receive in-patient care. She spent a month at the Remuda Ranch in Arizona, and then received out-patient care for a few months at a facility in Missouri.
“I realized if I want to live my life, if I want to live a life that's fulfilling, that's gratifying, if I want a piece of mind, if I want self-respect, meaningful relationships, I can't live like this for the rest of my life," said Fogle.
After a third hip surgery in January 2014 and missing almost two seasons, Emily returned to the pool in June 2014.
“I wasn't done,” said Fogle. “I knew I had stuff that I could still do, even half my size with my mom being gone, with triple hip surgery and everything, I knew that I wanted to come back and see what I could do.”
Emily believes she did not fully regain her strength until this past summer. In her final season at Purdue, she broke her own school records again in the 100 and 200 breast and won All-American honors for a 5th time.
“I think for anyone involved in our program and the Purdue athletic department, she's just an inspiration,” said Purdue Head Swim Coach John Klinge. “So for our team, she's a great leader. She's a great example of how to come through hardship. Her resiliency, it's just a great example for everyone. It's a big source of pride for the whole Purdue community to see someone who has overcome so much.”
Emily's Purdue swimming career is over after six years, but she's still training at the Boilermaker Aquatic Center for one last meet. She's qualified for the U.S. Olympic Trials coming up in June in Omaha, Nebraska.
“It was a very long road to get back to where I am,” said Fogle. “A lot of hard workouts and times where I was like, 'I'm never going to get back to those times.' But I knew that I wanted to continue swimming. I love the sport."
Emily became an even better swimmer after her comeback.
“More impressively for her is the transformation in from the mental or emotional side,” said Klinge. “Now, compared to when she was a freshman and sophomore, she’s so much happier, a well-balanced and confident young lady. And that's maybe the best thing to see.”
At 25 years old, Emily's next laps include graduate school to study clinical social work to help others facing struggles like hers.
“I'll wake up every morning knowing that I have these thoughts and feelings and sort of demons with me every single day,” said Fogle. “But I chose to walk past them and I chose to manage them accordingly.”
