In fact, I learned that any given Orthodox woman might rightfully pity me back. When I looked at Orthodox women, I saw victims—forced to cover up, undereducated, kept out of the workforce. But an Orthodox woman could look at me and see a woman who feels the need to wear tight, revealing clothes yet is constantly obsessed with what other people think about her body. They could see a woman who is educated in a system that, in a quieter way, also treats males and females differently. A woman who, if she wishes to have children, has no real support from her culture to do so.
It’s not that I want to justify Orthodox practices that subjugate women. It’s just that I’m in no position to judge the way Orthodox people live. None of us are free from terrible things that could happen during the course of a woman’s life, like abuse, an unfair wage gap, and the underfunding of women’s health care research. And by the way, covering hair and dressing modestly has been practiced, for centuries, in major religions around the world. It’s not extreme. It’s just different from what some of us are used to.
During the Monsey grocery sequence, two local women briefly interact with Haart—neither of them seem like prisoners. If the show had spent any time with people who choose to live in Monsey, it would have painted a more complex picture. But I understand this is a reality show, not a documentary.
Media that depicts people leaving Orthodox Judaism—My Unorthodox Life, Netflix’s hit narrative TV series Unorthodox, and the 2017 Rachel McAdams movie Disobedience—is always misleading, because these works cannot contain the experiences of people who love their communities.
I understand if you’re drawn to these stories—I am too. But it’s a mistake to think that any group of people is beneath you, that their lives are small. I love the fact that when my parents were born, Jews weren’t allowed in some country clubs, and now there is a reality TV show where a family shoves schnitzel into their Louis Vuitton and rushes off to Paris to celebrate Sukkoth in a 13th-century castle.
But that fun shouldn’t come at the expense of Orthodox Jews’ dignity and safety. Julia Haart can reinvent herself, run a company, raise four children, and cook shabbos cholent in stilettos. If anyone can make reality TV more nuanced, it’s her.
Jenny Singer is Glamour’s staff writer.
