Dear Emily,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about eight months. We’ve spent a lot of time learning each other’s bodies, figuring out what turns us on and exploring new things together. In general, the sex is really hot. There’s just one issue in the bedroom: He doesn’t shut up!
I know he gets really turned on by dirty talk so I’m working on getting better at it, but he takes it to a whole other level, asking “Do you love me? How much do you love me? Tell me how much you want this d--k!” over and over again. I have no idea how to respond to any of this in a sexy way. And when I don't answer, he just keeps prodding me! It’s so distracting, it totally takes me out of the moment. It’s even making it hard for me to climax. How can I bring this up to him without offending him?
Love,
Lauren, 24
Hi Lauren,
I can understand why you’re feeling a little taken aback by your partner’s bedroom behavior, especially if it’s not something you’re used to. On the bright side, at least you’re addressing this now. When things start irritating us in the bedroom, it’s tempting to keep quiet about it and hope that it fades out naturally. However, the longer we go without confronting the issue, the more likely it is to grow into a bigger, more difficult problem.
I know it can be really hard to talk about sex with a relatively new partner, especially when it’s about something you don’t necessarily like. You don’t want to hurt their feelings or bruise their ego, and you definitely don’t want them to shut down on you. At the same time, your needs in the bedroom are just as important as his. If this is something that is getting in the way of your orgasm, you need to nip it in the bud now—or, at the very least, try to reach some sort of compromise.
I suggest that you plan a time to talk OUTSIDE the bedroom. Go with a lighthearted approach, rather than a serious “we have to talk” vibe; remember, it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic ordeal! This is just two people talking about their likes and dislikes in the hopes of having even more mind-blowing sex.
