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Before each doctor visit, Zore recommends, write down any questions you want to ask. And during your visits, “if you don't understand why something is being recommended, don't be afraid to ask,” adds McDonald-Mosley. You can also keep notes on how each visit went, questions you had, and follow-up items.
Speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
“We are trained that doctors and medical providers are experts and so we defer to them no matter what,” says Dr. McDonald-Mosley. But you shouldn't stay silent when it comes to your health care. “If someone feels like they're not being heard or not being treated fairly, they have to feel comfortable speaking up.”
Because that's easier said than done, McDonald-Mosley recommends the Black Coalition for Safe Motherhood's ACTT Training. “The premise is Ask questions, Claim your space, Trust your body, and Tell your story,” she says, “and it trains people to use the right language if you feel like you're not getting what you want.”
If you feel unsafe or unheard, McDonald-Mosley recommends vocalizing that by asking to see the head nurse, the head physician, or the head of patient safety or quality care.
Ask for a second opinion.
“If your provider is recommending a course of treatment that you don't agree with or you don't understand, and it's not an emergency situation and you have the capacity, I would get a second opinion,” says McDonald-Mosley. This might be from another physician in the practice or elsewhere. “They may not like it, but as long as you're respectful, people will be responsive to that. Center yourself and say something like, ‘I want to make sure that I'm getting the care that makes sense for me at this moment. I trust you, but I just want a little bit more information on that.’”
If you're feeling pressured into a treatment decision or don't quite understand what the physician is asking you to agree to, ask whether there's an alternative course of treatment and what the risks of that course of treatment are.
When the situation is slightly more urgent, “part of the discussion needs to be, ‘How quickly do I need to make this decision? How urgent is this? What are the risks to myself and what are the risks of the pregnancy if I need to take an hour to think about this?’" says Dr. McDonald-Mosley.
Know that you can change doctors.
“There is no rule that says any birthing human has to remain in the care of a provider they do not feel safe with,” Hawkins says. “If the provider recommends something that makes you feel scared or unsafe, get a second opinion. You are not locked into a contract, and you are free to leave your provider at any time during your pregnancy.”
Perkins says it’s perfectly reasonable to stop seeing a provider “if you ever feel unsure or uncomfortable for any reason—whether that’s medical or even just energy or vibe related.”
Prep your delivery partner.
“If you're in pain, going through a difficult situation, or in labor, it can be hard to advocate for yourself,” says McDonald-Mosley. This is why many people choose to hire a doula—a birth worker who can advocate for you in the delivery room. But if that’s not in your budget, or you can have only one person with you due to COVID-19 restrictions, “it's critically important to have someone by your side, if possible, to help to advocate for you, whether that's a trained doula, a sister or an auntie, or a partner,” McDonald-Mosley says.
