Charisma, and maybe a sex addiction.
Yeah, for sure. They’re definitely super horny.
For people watching at home, what are some workshops or things they could do to grow as a couple?
Well, first of all, come to my Instagram page. I put up a lot of tips there, and it’s for free. With couples, I always suggest that they practice breath work by themselves first. Because in our body and nervous system, if we have a calm state of mind, a lot of conflict can’t survive in that space when we’re regulated, calm, and relaxed. A simple way to do that is to just set three or four alarms on your phone at random times. When that alarm goes off, take 10 deep breaths. Just practice breathing more by yourself. And then, if you’re having a really tough conversation with your partner, remember those breathing practices. You’ll have a more level mind during those intense conversations.
And then, communication. Create space to have healthy communication. If both of you are working, maybe set aside a Tuesday night at 7 or 8 p.m. with no cell phones, no TV, no distractions—just me-and-you time to talk about where the relationship stands. Talk about what’s been challenging, what’s been beautiful. Check-ins like that really move the needle forward when it comes to intimacy.
Jonah Hill’s texts to his ex have recently gone viral and sparked some interesting conversations about boundary setting when it comes to sex and relationships. In your opinion, what is a true boundary versus a potential controlling or manipulation technique?
That’s a beautiful question. I haven’t seen that thing with Jonah Hill yet, but I’ll look into it. I always say that our society often thinks of boundaries as building a fortress. We think of building something to keep somebody out. That we have to protect this space by all means. But if you’re creating a fortress to keep somebody out, that’s going to keep us on edge. Like, “I’ve got to protect this at all costs.” So then we’re always looking for something to go down.
So when it comes to boundary setting, I always share this with my clients: Boundary setting is done out of love. It’s done out of care for yourself first, and then care for the other person. It’s not meant to keep people away; it’s meant to keep people informed about where you are and how you’re feeling. That’s what boundaries are meant to be. The boundaries are flags, like sticky notes on your head, of how you’re feeling that day and then reinforcing that. But not in a way that’s like, “Eff you” or “It’s your fault.” It’s in a loving way.
I don’t know that situation with Jonah Hill, but I know for sure I’ve had clients where one partner uses boundaries as a way to hide themselves emotionally from their partner and say, “Oh, I have boundaries. I don't want to talk about that.” That’s not how boundaries actually work.
