A couple weeks ago, l found myself feeling a little sad. A friend had seemed kind of salty, and I couldn't figure out why, so I told my mom that I was feeling kind of self-conscious, like I had been inexplicably disappointing a few people.
Here's what my mom told me...
Here's my mom's advice:
It's good to listen to constructive criticism (for example, learning experiences at work or in a relationship), but it is also important to remember that people often have their own reasons and stresses for saying and doing things which may be completely unconnected to you--and usually are!!
For example, if your boss snaps at you, it may be because she made a serious mistake the day before and is freaked out. If your friend makes an overly harsh comment, maybe she is simply having a bad day or has some worries on her mind. Or if your ex-boyfriend says something catty, maybe he simply thinks you don't care about him anymore or feels rejected or lonely. People are embedded in a complete world of their own.
So, my advice is to repeat this mantra each morning: "People sometimes say and do things which I don't understand, but which are not caused or deserved by me." Try not to take perceived criticisms personally: Keep a wider perspective, be polite back, and hold your ground if necessary. Be confident in yourself and your judgment, but at the same time forgive others and let their little crazinesses go unpunished.
Think of that cute poster: "Keep Calm and Carry On." Create an internal environment for your heart and soul that is patient and loving and tries not to take things personally. Take three deep breaths before you even respond to a perceived criticism and then say the mantra: "This may be about them, not me." Maybe they actually need your compassion!
